fevers,chills and a few tears...ugh

I know a fever is a way our body tries to fight infection, I know they can be a good thing, I know a fever is not going to kill me...theoretically. I HATE everything there is to a fever. The chills, the aches, my toes so sore I fear I will never be able to wear shoes again, sweating, and just plain being miserable. I have had major surgeries during my 31 years of life and I am pretty much a champ when I comes to pain, I don't love it, but I know it will pass. I know that rest and dilaudid...yes the hard stuff I'm allergic to everything else, will do the trick and the physical pain I feel will pass. Not so much with a fever. There is that moment when it is at it highest where I am sure without a doubt I will die. A painful, tragic and pathetic death. I know if by some chance I survive the fever I will be left scarred by blindness, deafness or I will be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life. What makes this all the worse, is that nobody feels sympathy for someone who has a fever. I frequently hear, "Suck it up," or my favorite "Get up off the kitchen floor." Today I got up off the kitchen floor, sucked it up and came to work. I know right I'm a carrier monkey...I sanitize my hands frequently and don't touch the patients.

I hate working when I feel more like a patient than some of the people who walk in the doors. I am a tough cookie and rarely cry, unless I am sick and then it's a freaking tear fest! All the little old people who come from nursing homes with no families, the sick little babies who have no fight in them, or the families who are here with a loved one and scared to death make me just want to curl up and cry. There is also a second side to this sick coin, I have no patience for bull crap. If you are looking for drugs, are drunk, or come in for the tooth ache that you have had for six months and tonight at 4am is an emergency....you get no sympathy. It's just not there. You can't squeeze blood from a turnip so don't even try.

All and all it's not been that bad. I am thankful for a body that knows pain for without pain I wouldn't know how good it feels to feel good. I am thankful for a job that gives me insurance, money in my pocket, food in my pantry and a roof over my head. Thankful for friends I work with who care for my well being and check up on me. One of the nurses gave me something to help bring down the fever and help with the aches. I have the next couple of days off so I should be able to rest and revive myself. The fever has gone down, but I suspect any minute I will spike and I will collapse. Thankfully I am in an Emergency Room....